It’s cold outside, evergreens are missing from down campus and Rockefeller College has more colored lights than sub-Saharan Africa. As time passes and late December steadily approaches, it’s getting hard to overlook that the holiday season is finally here. I believe several Princeton sports teams would benefit from writing letters to Santa Claus.
One of Princeton University’s greatest qualities is its diversity of interests among the student body. Even though the majority of Tigers are bound to work on Wall Street, the range in areas of concentration while pursuing a black-and-orange degree truly is remarkable. This quality is mirrored in students’ leisure time — there are more clubs and teams on this campus than blondes in Pi Phi.
Fall Break was not particularly eventful in Chevy Chase, Md., a suburb of Washington, D.C. Born and raised in the area, I will gladly praise the nation’s capital as one of the best cities in America. But, thanks to Princeton’s Office of Poor Vacation Scheduling, I now know that ridin’ solo in any city is not nearly as fun as Jason Derulo makes it out to be. Without my party-rocking high school crew, all of whom attend universities with reasonable Fall Break schedules, the energetic city I have grown to love was as entertaining as deriving the Slutsky equation.
After running every Princeton sports team through a reverse Knuth-Morris-Pratt algorithm discounting the kids that went to public school, I have determined that the top three preppiest sports teams on this campus are tennis, squash and golf. This result, of course, beckons the question: Which sports team can claim the title of preppiest, and why?
