The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Following the U.S. presidential election this past Tuesday, the Office of the Registrar saw a sharp increase in the number of politics majors attempting to switch their majors.
An email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
Though the email did not specify the details of the switches, in an interview with The Daily PrintsAnything, University spokesperson Elle Ector revealed, “Most of these were students trying to drop politics.”
Official documentation obtained by the ‘Prints’ confirms this. Over half of students who had declared politics as of Nov. 1 were enrolled in a different degree program by the end of the day on Wednesday. According to the document, most of these students switched to economics.
However, many economics majors switched departments following the election as well.
Ex-economics majors Sue Pligh ’26 and Dee Mand ’26 told the ‘Prints,’ “Yeah, we’re not too sure what’s going to happen, so I think most of us thought it would be best to cut our losses now.”
Further investigation revealed that these economics majors switched to sociology. Even further investigation found that everyone in sociology switched out due to “impending societal collapse” as explained on a hastily-written note taped to the front of a now-empty Wallace Hall.
These sociology majors switched to psychology, who then switched to geoscience, then anthropology, then civil and environmental engineering, and then we lost track.
As of writing, the only majors in which any students are still enrolled are East Asian Studies, French and Italian, and Slavic Languages and Literatures.
Spencer Bauman is a co-head Humor editor, who made a deal with a genie so that he will know the outcome of every single presidential election, but only if he keeps it secret from everyone else. Sorry. He can be reached at sbauman[at]princeton.edu.
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