Ask the Sexpert: Navigating curiosity, sex, and self-discovery

Dear Sexpert,

I’m starting my first year here, and everything feels so new and exciting — especially when it comes to dating and sex. I’ve never really explored my sexuality before, but now I’m meeting new people, and I feel excited to try new things. I’m curious about toys, protection, and different types of intimacies. I’m also questioning my sexual orientation and gender identity, and I want to have the space to explore that. Is this normal? How do I know what’s right for me without feeling pressured or overwhelmed? How do I know I’m choosing the right partner? How do I know I’m making the right decisions regarding my identities?

–Eager Explorer

Dear Eager Explorer,

Starting college is a time of immense personal growth, and it’s completely normal to feel both excited and nervous about exploring new aspects of yourself — especially when it comes to sex, intimacy, and identity. You’re not alone in having these feelings. Many students, especially in their first year, are exploring their sexual desires, gender identities, and sexual orientations. For many people, the new environment presents a chance to reinvent yourself and explore new perspectives. It is important to remember that self-exploration is a personal journey, and there’s no definite way to go about it. The key is to take things at your own pace and make decisions that feel authentic to you.

When it comes to exploring your sexuality the most important thing is education. The more informed you are, the more empowered you’ll feel. For example, if pregnancy prevention is a concern, understanding the different types of contraception — like internal and external condoms or birth control methods — and how they protect against pregnancy can allow you to feel confident and prepared to engage in sexual activities. The same is true for barrier methods and testing for sexually transmitted diseases, which lowers the risk of STI transmission. Additionally, you can always make an appointment with a Sexual Health and Wellness (SHAW) provider through MyUHS to discuss different contraceptives or barrier methods more thoroughly and figure out which may be best for you.

Similarly, experimenting with toys can ensure your safety when exploring your own anatomy, sexual desires and boundaries, either alone or with a partner. Check out this past Sexpert article to learn more about how to explore self-pleasure.

Furthermore, sexual orientation and gender identity are deeply personal aspects of who you are, and they can evolve over time. It’s completely normal to question these aspects of your identity as you grow, and college can be a great time to give yourself the space to do so. Feeling overwhelmed by these new experiences is also common, especially considering such new possibilities intertwined with the pressure to figure everything out. What’s helpful to know is that there’s no timeline for figuring out your sexual identity or orientation, and there’s no “right or wrong” decision to make. Decisions that feel right to you now may shift as you continue to grow. The Gender + Sexuality Resource Center (GSRC) has various online educational guides that may help guide you through exploring and understanding different gender identities and sexual orientations. You can also connect with professional staff, student staff and peer educators, or student groups coordinated through the GSRC. Give yourself the grace to explore without pressure to define anything and know that there’s no need to fit yourself into any discrete category.

When exploring sexual experiences, communication and consent are essential. Talk openly with your partner(s) about what you’re comfortable with and what you’d like to try. This “How I Like It Inventory” can assist you in your self-reflection and even how you communicate your needs and wants. The right partner should respect your boundaries, listen to your needs, and make you feel safe. Trust your gut — if someone makes you feel uneasy, it’s important to listen to those instincts. Remember, consent is ongoing, so you can always change your mind about anything you’re not comfortable with, no matter what you’ve agreed to in the past. When it comes to navigating your sexual orientation and gender identity, take your time. It can be helpful to find supportive communities, either on campus or online, where you can explore these questions without judgment.

The Gender + Sexuality Resource Center (GSRC), located on the second floor of the Frist Campus Center, has many resources for students. They provide contraceptives, have peer educators, and hold numerous events throughout the academic year which can be a great place to meet other students. Seeking community amongst students who may be going through similar experiences can help you reflect on your feelings and better understand who you are and what feels right for you.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or just want to talk things through, you can always reach out to University Health Services (UHS). Whether you’re interested in speaking with a counselor at CPS, getting more information about sexual health and contraception, or exploring gender-affirming care, the resources on campus are here to support you. Remember, there’s no rush to figure everything out right now. College is about exploring and learning — not just in the classroom but also about yourself. Take it one step at a time, and don’t be afraid to seek out support whenever you need it!

— The Sexpert

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The Sexpert is a monthly column written in collaboration between The Prospect and the Peer Health Advisers (PHA) program. For more information, you can visit the Sexpert’s website. If you are interested in submitting a question, you can send it through this form: tinyurl.com/princetonsexpert.