The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Following the lead of other campus a cappella groups, Princeton’s premier all-male and all-ORFE a cappella group, The Quarter-Zips, recently hosted a Valentine’s Day fundraiser where students could pay $10 for the group to sing a song to their special someone.
However, many students who received a singing-gram were not pleased.
“I was pooping in the bathroom and they came in and began belting ‘Mr. Brightside’ at the stall door,” said one senior, who wished to remain anonymous. “The timing was absolutely terrible, and the soloist was pretty pitchy.”
Another student told the Daily PrintsAnything that “they came into Late Meal wearing only jorts and quarter-zips cut into halter tops, butchering the lyrics to ‘The Real Slim Shady.’ I asked them to leave, but they followed me back to Forbes and sang Eminem’s greatest hits for another twenty minutes.”
Shruti Singh ’24 told the ‘Prints’ they ruined her Valentine’s date at Agricola by singing Kanye West’s “Gold Digger.” “I swear, I didn’t choose that song. I just happen to always pick up the bill,” said her boyfriend.
“We also did a tight rendition of ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads,’” said music director Phineas Breaux. However, Breaux acknowledged that the act wasn’t as popular as the group had hoped, and they didn’t meet their fundraising goal.
“How else are we supposed to make money?” said Breaux, burning his tongue on coffee from his Morgan Stanley mug.
Caroline Rasmussen is a staff Humor writer. She’d love to hear the Quarter-Zip’s rendition of Karma Chameleon. She can be reached at cr3730@princeton.edu.
Read More
Princeton, we don’t need free speech — we need fee speech
Tarun Iyengar“For far too long, we have taken a woke, beta-male, socialist approach to the First Amendment. In other words, students have not needed to pay for their words and actions. The University serves up student rights on a fine silver platter just like their mommies and daddies did.”
“For far too long, we have taken a woke, beta-male, socialist approach to the First Amendment. In other words, students have not needed to pay for their words and actions. The University serves up student rights on a fine silver platter just like their mommies and daddies did.”
Princeton Debate Panel hosts argument preparation for Thanksgiving
Daily PrintsAnything StaffThe Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
The Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
Over half of the Politics department switched majors following the election
Spencer BaumanAn email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
An email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
