The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
After a disappointing internship application season, Princeton student Noe Jobs ’24 has decided to spend their summer conducting research on the art of applying to internships.
“It’s all about getting that perfect summer internship,” Jobs said. They will spend most of the summer researching the latest resume templates and experimenting with different cover letter formats. “I’m really excited to see how many extra buzzwords I can fit on my resume for this fall,” he continued.
Woz Niak ’24, Jobs’s roommate, said, “They’ve already applied to over 200 internships in various industries, including finance, consulting, tech, and even the local ice cream parlor. We’re starting to get worried.”
“I'm just trying to keep up with my friends who get internships through their family connections,” Jobs said. “I know some people might think it's a waste of time, but I've got a growth mindset, and I’m not going to stop until I get that offer.”
Niak told The Daily PrintsAnything that Jobs has already received some rejection letters for next summer, but they remain undeterred in their mission to land a summer internship.
In the meantime, Jobs plans to use this summer to work on their thesis, which they plan to title “Internship Rat Race: The Likelihood of Landing an Internship When Offering to Work for Free.”
Windsor Nguyễn ’25 is a COS B.S.E. concentrator and a Humor contributor. That’s it. That’s the whole byline.
Read More
Princeton Debate Panel hosts argument preparation for Thanksgiving
Daily PrintsAnything StaffThe Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
The Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
Over half of the Politics department switched majors following the election
Spencer BaumanAn email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
An email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
End your craving for raving: The top five alternatives to a night out on Prospect Ave
Tarun IyengarFor many students, they believe the only way they can enjoy their time at the University is by spending every night partying on Prospect Avenue. However, there are many other options students overlook when trying to have some fun. We at The Daily PrintsAnything want you to consider these five unique ways to make your nights out extraordinary!
For many students, they believe the only way they can enjoy their time at the University is by spending every night partying on Prospect Avenue. However, there are many other options students overlook when trying to have some fun. We at The Daily PrintsAnything want you to consider these five unique ways to make your nights out extraordinary!
