The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Five undergraduates and their professor died in a fire while attending French class on Monday. Professor Bovary’s French class was watching the 2013 French erotic drama “Blue Is the Warmest Colour” on the top floor of East Pyne when smoke started to fill their classroom.
Witnesses reported they heard students screaming out the window for help, followed by shouts of “en français, s'il vous plaît!” Calls to 911 were ineffective as the students mistakenly used the indefinite article to describe the fire.
Surveying the scene, firefighters found letters the students wrote to their families, all in basic French, which consisted mostly of them stating what time it was, describing the food they would like to order at a cafe, and listing various colors.
As a tribute to the deceased students, the French Department has decided to posthumously award them all a B+ for their participation grade.
Princeton is considering loosening procedures to allow students to use Google Translate when speaking with emergency responders. The chair of the French Department gave a statement to The Daily PrintsAnything, which we hope to print once our writers learn the French past conditional tense.
Sam McComb is an associate Humor editor. He was once imprisoned in North Korea but was promptly released once he described his various dietary restrictions.
Read More
Princeton, we don’t need free speech — we need fee speech
Tarun Iyengar“For far too long, we have taken a woke, beta-male, socialist approach to the First Amendment. In other words, students have not needed to pay for their words and actions. The University serves up student rights on a fine silver platter just like their mommies and daddies did.”
“For far too long, we have taken a woke, beta-male, socialist approach to the First Amendment. In other words, students have not needed to pay for their words and actions. The University serves up student rights on a fine silver platter just like their mommies and daddies did.”
Princeton Debate Panel hosts argument preparation for Thanksgiving
Daily PrintsAnything StaffThe Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
The Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
Over half of the Politics department switched majors following the election
Spencer BaumanAn email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
An email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
