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What your residential college says about you

First College
The entrance to the Wu-Wilcox dining hall, shared by First College and Butler College, on a sunny afternoon.
Jon Ort / The Daily Princetonian

The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.

What your residential college says about you:

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Butler: You are a current student at Princeton University.

Rockefeller: You are a current student at Princeton University.

Hufflepuff: You are loyal to a fault, and will stick by your friends no matter what!

Mathey: You are a current student at Princeton University.

Whitman: You are a current student at Princeton University.

Yeh: You are a current student at Princeton University.

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New College West: You are a current student at Princeton University.

First: You probably breathed in asbestos.

Wilson: You attended Princeton at some point between 1966 and 2020.

Bezos College: You will be admitted to Princeton in the year 2025.

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Forbes: You are a current student across the street from Princeton University.

The School of Public and International Affairs: Maintenance is asking you to please stop sleeping in Robertson 016.

Aidan Davis is a contributing Humor writer who is currently breathing in asbestos, but not because he is in First College.