The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
As the midterm elections approached, students were inundated with requests from Vote100 to register to vote. Despite the apparent lack of interest among the undergraduate student body, Vote100 — an organization committed to getting 100 percent of the student body to vote — announced they had achieved a successful result this year.
“We are proud to report that one hundred students, plus or minus about ten, participated in their democratic responsibilities this week,” Vote100 representative, Pullew Erker said.
Erker explained that while hundreds of application essays led the University to believe that most of its students were “activists” and “strong participants in democracy,” Vote100 recognizes that “the need to put any effort into the voting process has put many students off.”
He said the organization recognized that 100 students was “perhaps a pitifully low result,” but claimed the organization was eager for “any kind of win this election, even if the bar is on the floor” and people generally “underestimate the ability of Princeton students to avoid doing hard things”.
Students interviewed by the Daily PrintsAnything reflected the sense of apathy surrounding the elections. Virtue Sing-Ling ’26 claimed that “if it's between the perpetuation of democracy and more time to work on my SPIA paper, someone has to take an L, and I don’t take L’s.”
Abby Sentee ’26 told the ‘Prints,’ “I’m not totally sure my ballot even made it in. Was I supposed to put a stamp on it?”
Vitus Larrieu is a writer for the humor and podcast sections of the Daily Princetonian. If you too want your expectations to be lowered, he can be reached at vl7131@princeton.edu.
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