The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Following the recent news that the Board of Trustees has directed the University to dissociate from 90 fossil fuel companies, many students have celebrated the decision and some have even voiced a commitment to further climate activism. But for one student, the news came as a disappointment: He had wished that the fight had gone on for just a few more semesters.
Res Ume ’26 had been looking forward to joining Divest Princeton since he learned about the group at the Involvement Fest. He admired their cardboard signs at last week’s protest from afar — and would have attended the protest, he said, but was held up at a mandatory Handshake meeting by a McKinsey & Company recruiter.
With the recent news from the Board of Trustees, however, he noted that he feels “shit-out-of-luck.”
He continued, “I know it’s good news, it’s just kind of annoying that I don’t get to hold up one of those signs and take some credit for getting Princeton to divest. All I have to show for my time here is a Google Form and an acceptance email. Is the ‘Prince’ still taking writers? Maybe I can sign up for that instead.”
Tyler Wilson is a contributing writer for The Prospect and Humor at the ‘Prince.’ He can be reached at tyler.wilson@princeton.edu, or on Instagram at @tylertwilson.
Read More
Princeton, we don’t need free speech — we need fee speech
Tarun Iyengar“For far too long, we have taken a woke, beta-male, socialist approach to the First Amendment. In other words, students have not needed to pay for their words and actions. The University serves up student rights on a fine silver platter just like their mommies and daddies did.”
“For far too long, we have taken a woke, beta-male, socialist approach to the First Amendment. In other words, students have not needed to pay for their words and actions. The University serves up student rights on a fine silver platter just like their mommies and daddies did.”
Princeton Debate Panel hosts argument preparation for Thanksgiving
Daily PrintsAnything StaffThe Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
The Princeton Debate Panel (PDP) hosted a “Prepsgiving” workshop, where students were taught how to most effectively debate their family members. This workshop covered a wide range of topics, from immigration rights to Trump’s cabinet picks, and introduced students to winning tactics.
Over half of the Politics department switched majors following the election
Spencer BaumanAn email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
An email was sent to all undergraduate students at 12:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6, saying that TigerHub was down for repairs following the “unprecedented number of students attempting to switch departments.”
