The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Hundreds of first-year students frantically logged on to TigerHub last night to change their courses after the shocking revelation that ORFE, or Operations Research and Financial Engineering, is in fact not a fraternity on campus. Many had assumed that the odd combination of letters were the initials to a Greek life organization, rather than a concentration specializing in statistics, probability, and optimization.
“I was frankly blindsided by this news,” said Chad Phratbrough ’26. “Ever since I heard about ORFE, I had always planned on rushing it.”
Students reported hearing rumors that ORFE frat hazing included formulating models, allocating resources to hypothetical transit systems, and analyzing Markov chains.
“I started dropping out of the prereqs after about a week when I realized that there weren’t any fun drinking games in MAT 104,” said Barst Ool ’26, who has already changed his major to SPIA.
Many students were disappointed to learn that instead of getting bids, all that awaits them in ORFE are bad grades in subjects they narrowly avoided in high school.
“It turns out that anyone can major in it if they really want to. But you have to take physics, for some reason,” said Fin Ance ’26.
The University put out a statement in response to the TigerHub rush incident, reaffirming that there is no Greek life on campus and that you should definitely stop looking for it because you’re not going to find anything.
Aidan Davis is a contributing Humor writer and first-year prospective SPIA major. He can be reached at ad6760@Qprinceton.edu.
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