Let's talk to strangers

At the start of this academic year, I wrote a column advising freshmen to give themselves more than a couple months to decide how they felt about Princeton and the college experience. I told them how I had started my Princeton career as an awfully unhappy freshman but have since fallen in love with this university. In that column I told my story in the hope that freshmen might save themselves the same self-doubt and anxiety that plagued my first semester of Princeton.

A few months later I was contacted by a freshman girl who had read my article and found herself caught in the same dispirited trap I had described. We met for lunch and I poured upon her all the advice I wish I could have given myself four years ago. We have since kept in touch — updates here and there, passes given, plans made for lunch. But I had largely forgotten my article as the impetus for our relationship until this past week, when I received an email from a second freshman girl. She, too, had connected with the sad beginnings of my ultimately happy story. We met for coffee and I did my best to quell some of her concerns. Both girls now have my number and I theirs. I have told them — implored them — to let me know if they ever need anything. I care about these two girls.

But, more importantly, I have the utmost respect for these two girls. Emailing a stranger — and an upperclassman at that — is no small feat, particularly when it is for no other reason than to talk. The campus culture at Princeton seems predicated on modes of divisions between cliques, teams, eating clubs or class year and it is not often that these barriers are breached in the hopes of creating new relationships. For any student to reach out to another with whom they have no tangible association is largely against the norm. As you move from freshman to senior year, students you simply had yet to meet slowly become strangers whom you will most likely never meet.

Paradoxically, however, there seems to be a pervasive desire to extend beyond one’s usual social group in search of new connections. On Monday, The Daily Princetonian reported that a student-organized group known as Tea with Strangers — a program that invites six students who are otherwise unacquainted to come together for conversation over tea — was filled to capacity within three hours of its launch, with at least fifty more students on the waitlist. Last year’s iteration, called Let’s Get Coffee, boasted over 200 participants with an insupportable waitlist as well. And these two are only the latest in a series of programs designed to bring “strangers” together. In early 2012, PrincetonLunch worked to facilitate one-on-one platonic meetings between users. Meanwhile, Princeton Muse and Club Nom encourage larger group interactions over the discussion of thought-provoking questions.

The overwhelming support for these groups demonstrates a clear demand for avenues by which to meet new people and form productive, meaningful relationships. But why must we wait for structured organizations to facilitate these introductions? Are we truly so inept at reaching out to other students that we need someone else to offer a space, time and warm caffeinated beverage to do so? My intention is not criticize these groups. On the contrary, I am thrilled to see student organizations taking steps to fill this void. However, I want these groups to be a supplement, not a replacement, for action on an individual level. It is possible, if not more powerful, to develop one-on-one support networks and relationships without a structured program. Through a column I thought would be read by few and touch even fewer, two girls saw someone removed enough from their lives to be objective, yet close enough to understand. They took the personal initiative to reach out and I know I am the better for it, and truly hope they can say the same. Now, I encourage others to follow suit.

Upperclassmen, in particular, can offer an excellent support system for unaffiliated underclassmen in this way. The next step is to make these modes of communication become more pervasive and commonplace. It should not be surprising for a freshman to reach out in hopes of speaking with an objective third party and forming a relationship that might broaden or enlighten both students’ Princeton experience. While I had the good fortune of meeting these two girls through my column, there are multiple avenues that could be taken to form such relationships. Perhaps the lead in a show strikes you with his performance. Perhaps the junior in your precept says something brilliantly confounding. Perhaps the same girl bakes you cookies in Murray Dodge every week and you’d like to say something, anything. These may sound like odd, if not awkward, beginnings to meaningful conversations. Yet if it becomes commonplace to speak with the people that have touched you or moved you, regardless of your connection to them, then we can create a far more interconnected, inspired social culture. If we begin talking to strangers, this whole experience might be a little less strange for the lot of us.

Chelsea Jones is an English major fromRidgefield, Conn. She can be reached at chelseaj@princeton.edu.