Date rape is not a "learning experience”: The members of Princeton's Class of 1978 speak out

We are members of Princeton’s Class of 1978 who feel it necessary to speak up about sexual assault and rape in response to the undue repeated attention the media has given to the self-proclaimed “Princeton Mom.” We believe we speak for the great majority of Princeton moms and dads, as well as alumni who do not have children, in saying rape in general — and date rape in particular — is inexcusable, rape survivors deserve our help and support and anyone who sexually assaults another person should be prosecuted legally.

Unfortunately, the Princeton name continues to be associated with the “Princeton Mom’s” views. In a recent CNN interview, she belittled accusations of rape as merely the aftermath of a “clumsy hookup” and called sexual assault a “learning experience” for young women who drink too much alcohol or who don’t fend off their attackers by explicitly telling them to “stop and leave.” To fail to challenge such views damages decades of efforts to help women come forward after being sexually assaulted. It suggests to college women — indeed to all women — that it is really their fault that they were raped.

Rape and sexual assault are violent crimes against persons of any gender. It is particularly disturbing when college students violate the trust of people they know. The mix of social pressure, alcohol and drugs, misguided beliefs about entitlement and power, and unclear messages from peers about what constitutes appropriate approval for sex all contribute to this phenomenon. Rape survivors may have years of posttraumatic stress disorder, lack of trust in others, depression and anxiety; long-term effects can be exacerbated when the rape is committed by a date or an acquaintance. We know this first-hand — some of us from personal experience at Princeton and elsewhere and others from the experiences of our children and friends. And while we know that Princeton, like many other colleges and universities, has been struggling to find the right balance between the rights of the accused and protections for the victims, we believe that for far too long the attitudes of the so-called “Princeton Mom” have pervaded many campuses, even if not spoken as loudly.

Fortunately, we are hardly alone in our opinions. In March 2014, The Daily Princetonian quoted the “Princeton Mom” as comparing a woman who gets raped to someone who doesn’t look both ways before crossing the street and gets hit by a car. Over 200 faculty members signed an open letter to the paper deriding these comments and expressing their support for survivors of sexual assault on campus. Numerous groups, including the University’s Men Against Violence Resources and Intervention Project and the Editorial Board of the 'Prince', also spoke out. In response to her latest comments, U.S. News & World Report asked why CNN “allow[ed] the ‘Princeton Mom’ to air her insulting views on rape?”

Yet the wider world continues to see this woman dressed in orange and black associating her out-of-touch personal beliefs with our alma mater. We — along with many other alumni — see these views as outrageous and unworthy of being associated with Princeton. We ask the Princeton administration to continue its efforts to create a campus climate where all accusations of sexual assault are treated with the seriousness they deserve, and we invite those who share our views to raise their voices to join ours.

Signed,

Julie List

David Abromowitz

Amelia Wood Silver

Ann Daniels

 

Elaine Abrams

David Addams

Seth Akabas

Karen Ali

Cory Alperstein

Ron Arons

Robert Baron

Sarah Bell

Robbie Berg

Nancy Bleemer

Lynn Vanacore Bloom

David Bonbright

Marsha Bonner

Ann Broderick

Cary Helme Bruestle

Ann Bunnell

Catherine Caldicott

Camilla Carpenter

Stephen Chanock

Lizette Harper Chanock

Michael Colopy

Keith Corbett

Nicole Sage Cormen

Tom Cormen

Charles Dale

Tina De Varon

Michael Devlin

David Dieck

Linda Fan

Lachlan Farrow

Gwen Feder

Kit Levy Feldman

Alan Fletcher

Katherine Foran

Rob Forman

Peggy Forsyth

Debbie Goldsmith

Mark Gordon

Kevin Gover

David Grace

Jonathan Greenberg

Alexandra Halsey

Fari Hamzei

Spencer Harper III

Diane Hartley

Joan Hartman

Chuck Hector

Holly Hexter

Alan Himmelstein

David Hochman

Steve Hochman

Jamie Horton

Tim James

Ron Kahn

Bruce Kalow

Mary Kilty

Bob Klein

Lance Knobel

Scott Kobler

Martin Kokol

Eric Lander

Lori Weiner Lander

Abby Laufer

Dana Leslie, neé C.R.Guttman

Dan Lesser

Liz Tiedemann Maass

Robb Maass

Bob Massie

Andrea Matthews

Cynthia McCollum

Anne Miller-Breslow

Catherine McCartney Miller

Jim Millstein

Margery Lampson Mott

Margot Greenbaum Mustich

Sean Nolan

Cynthia Oakes

Janny Mawdsley Offensend

Lynne Dennis Oliva

Brian Parsonnet

Bob Peskin

Joan Cobb Pettit

Beth Thomas Potter

Clifford Rechtschaffen

Mitchel Resnick

Sarah Finnie Robinson

Randall Rothenberg

Annmarie Sasdi

Mark Schaeffer

Liz Schollenberger

Beth Schwartz

Jane Selverstone

Dorothy (Dolly) Shaffer

Tony Sheldon

John Shyer

Jonathan Smolowe

Amy Stanley

Rachel Friis Stettler

Frank Sharry

Karen Aptakin Stigler

Jenny Barends Spalding

Michael Steinberg

Eve Stockton

Kin Peters Stone

Steve Stone

Elliot Swan

Leesy Taggart

Anne Tate

Allison Thomas

Gregg Trueman

Penny Van Niel

Frank Vuono

Liz Levy Ward

Elissa Weiss

Adrien K. Wing

Anne Barton Wittke

Cole Whitman

Kneeland Youngblood

Howard Zar