Streakers at Ivy Club ask for Grey Poupon*

Five males of approximately 20 years of age allegedly appeared naked during an Ivy Club dinner on Tuesday. Members of the club reported that the males were walking among tables and asking members, “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

Members also said that the nude males left cardboard posters in some of the seats saying, “He’s just a poor boy … NOT!”

The streakers allegedly drew their inspiration from an early 1990s commercial and the film "Wayne’s World,"Princeton Police Captain Nick Sutter said. Sutter explained that the streakers continued to solicit mustard for about 30 minutes until they were confronted by an Ivy employee. After being confronted, they ran out the front door.

Sutter also noted that the streakers were searching in vain. French’s mustard is served with French fries at all of the eating clubs, even Ivy, he said, so there was no Grey Poupon at Ivy.

Thomas Buchanan V ’15, a member of Ivy, said that he had never seen anything like it before and felt entrapped by the caravansary of nudity.

“Was it real life, or was it fantasy?” he said. “I don’t really know. I just felt at the time like I was caught in a landslide, and there was no escape.”

Ivy president Preppy N. Rich ’15, who, for once, consented to speak with the ‘Prince,’ said that the streaking was reprehensible.

“All we want is to be left in peace to enjoy our one-star meals and five-star waiters,” he said. “This represents a plebeian effort to disturb the equilibrium that characterizes our club.”

Rich added that he thinks the streaking was done as an ‘offering’ by Terrace Club. However, a Terrace wombling who demanded anonymity to avoid retribution by the Mother noted that offerings are typically done in February after the club accepts its new sign-ins. The source added that while she hopes many sophomores are excited to be joining Terrace, she has never heard of sophomores completing self-designated offerings before even joining the club.

Nudity is also a common bonding activity among fraternity pledges. Rich said he could not predict how streaking in Ivy would affect the pledges’ chances of being admitted, should they choose to bicker Ivy in the spring and should the members recognize them.

Several other members of Ivy said they enjoyed the streakers and that it livened the otherwise formal and dull affair. Norman Rothschild ’16 said the naked men were not really doing anyone any harm.

“Nothing really matters,” he said.