1. Patton ’77 to release book in March; possible titles include:“Dr. Strangelady or: How I Learned to Stop Thinking and Love the Patriarchy”
2. Gore named Class Day speaker; Class Day bingo to include “carbon footprint,” “responsibility to the planet,” “Harvard is a total suckfest”
3. Princeton sophomore advances to Jeopardy! Final, still receives B-plus in HIS 361: The United States Since 1974
4. Final call for grade deflation survey, only top 35 percent of responses recorded
5. Salt deemed nonessential personnel, students slip (but no casualties)
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6.Painting allegedly punched at Ivy Club; replacement Renoir to be flown in from Paris within five business days
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