I haven’t been outside the Orange Bubble for very long, but being in the real world has quickly put my time at Princeton into perspective. One phrase alumni tend to use in conversations about Princeton is "I wish": “I wish I hadn’t cared as much what others thought of me,” “I wish I had been more considerate,” “I wish I had taken advantage of the opportunities to learn more.” The daily busyness and pressures of Princeton life make it easy to lose sight of the main things everyone wants to get out of their college experience.
The year is almost over, and seniors can see their exodus through the FitzRandolph Gate approaching fast. I hope that sharing my thoughts will help you make the most of your remaining time here, whether that be two months or two years.
Social Life: Aim for depth rather than breadth.
Yes, it is important to be a part of different communities, and knowing many people can be rewarding. But once you leave, the bonds that tie you to different people — same eating club, same sports team — will quickly disappear. The only reason that would compel you to see each other again is if you share something deeper than membership to a social group.
When you graduate, the social hierarchy of campus life will dissolve, and all that time spent trying to become well-known or popular or revered will be for naught. You’ll find yourself in new communities with new hierarchies, and you may choose to start climbing the social ladder again from scratch. But would you rather work toward climbing, or toward making lasting friendships?
Spend your time getting to know your friends as well as possible. I’d rather have one person understand me well than have 100 people know my name and my achievements, because that one person will stay my friend. You’ll never feel lonely if you’re secure in the knowledge that there’s at least one person you can call at any time, for any reason.
Princeton is a wonderful place to make meaningful friendships. Start small, and go from there.
Dating Life: Treat everyone as a human being.
In relationships, the kindest thing you can do for your partner is to communicate your intentions clearly. It’s fine to try dating someone whom you aren’t yet sure if you like, but in those situations — and especially in random hookups — tell the other person if you decide you aren’t interested. It’s much better to be clear and cause them temporary disappointment rather than to lead them on indefinitely.
Similarly, if you do become interested in someone, it’s okay to put yourself out there. The young adult culture today subtly leads us to objectify people — of both genders — by treating them as things to be collected or discarded. We are encouraged to put up emotional walls and feign disinterest — “Don’t respond immediately otherwise he/she will think you’re desperate” — because that makes us supposedly more desirable and protects us from rejection. But you won’t gain anything if you don’t put anything at risk.
The person on the other end of your text messages is a human being, not a chat bot. Consider how that person might feel — no matter what you think of the prospect of dating him or her — and communicate with him or her in a way that you would want to be communicated with.
Being honest helps you focus less on the petty worries of everyday life; it makes it easier to put yourself in others’ shoes, which is the secret to all successful relationships.
Academic Life: Advocate for your education.
You or your family are paying for what some claim is the best education in the world, valued at over $50,000 per year. So you better make sure you get your money’s worth.
If you are struggling in a class, do whatever is necessary to get the support you need. So many people — myself included — let wonderful knowledge pass us by because we didn’t make the effort to ask for extra help. Professors and preceptors have the responsibility to give you however much of their time it takes until you learn the material.
And don’t take courses with bad teachers. If a class is bad, pick a different one; if you like the course but not your preceptor, switch precepts.
That isn’t to say you shouldn’t be invested in your schoolwork; you won’t get anything out of it if you don’t put your best efforts into studying. Just don’t let yourself be handed the short end of the stick because you’re too meek to demand being met halfway by educators who care that you learn.
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