Investigation shows Scalia-Hosie-CIA-Obama conspiracy*

When Duncan Hosie ’16 stood up in Richardson Auditorium to criticize Associate Justice Antonin Scalia’s rhetoric on gay rights, Scalia knew what was coming. In fact, Scalia wrote Hosie’s monologue himself.

A two-month investigation by The Daily Princetonian has revealed that the Scalia-Hosie joust was a preplanned interaction intended to garner media attention and promote sales of Scalia’s book, “Reductio ad absurdum: Why I Got Rejected from Princeton.”

Scalia and Hosie first met to discuss the plans at a CIA black site in Stebleve, Albania, a village near the Macedonian border, in September 2011. One month later, Scalia met with Dean of Admission Janet Rapelye at his vacation home in Provincetown, Mass., to ensure that Hosie would be admitted to Princeton.

The plot ultimately required approval from President Barack Obama. Sources say Obama was reluctant at first but reportedly approved the plan at the request of his wife, first lady Michelle Obama ’85, following a meeting at the White House which definitely did not have anything to do with courting the first lady back to the Princeton sphere.

“Michelle saw it as a good chance to return the favor to Princeton,” a friend of the family said. “How’s that for rebuffing an invitation?”

When confronted with the results of the investigation, both Scalia and Hosie admitted the conspiracy but denied any wrongdoing.

“At the end of the day, my book sales doubled thanks to that event,” Scalia said. “So suck it.”