Dear Alexis,
Everyone around me is coming down with a cold, but somehow I have stayed well up to this point. I would like to continue to stick it out through the flu season. How can I stay well while all of my friends and classmates are sick?
— Well, but Worried
Dear Worried,
I wish you hadn’t told me this. Now I’ll be forced to find you and stick my germy hands all over you until you suffer from the same irritating cough that has kept me awake every night for the past week. You may have a cutesy name here, but I will find you.
If you truly don’t want to get sick, you have two distinct avenues that you can take (besides avoiding me at all costs). Avenue one is to steer clear of all potential germ-producing organisms. Avenue two is to attempt to strengthen your immune system enough so that no illness could ever get through.
Since nearly everyone on campus is sick, you’ll have some difficulty avoiding germs in the coming weeks, but it’s definitely worth a try. The most common way that people come into contact with germs is through touching dirty things, like toilets and faucets. You could wear gloves all the time, but that would be weird. Instead, don’t flush the toilet and don’t wash your hands. It’s just safer that way.
Of course, the most common things that people touch are doorknobs. The best way to avoid opening doors is to stay in your room. If you don’t feel comfortable being known as “hermit girl,” just bring your butler from home to open all doors for you. Red carpet is optional.
Make sure to get your flu shot. In fact, see if they’ll give you both the flu shot and the nasal spray. Or, actually, see if they’ll inject the spray into your arm or shoot the injection up your nose. Germs these days are tricky little buggers, and that’s sure to confuse ’em.
Remember how Rocky ate raw eggs to get in shape? Many cultures swear by unusual morning drinks to stay healthy. My grandmother brought this recipe over from Russia:
–2 chicken feet (boiled and julienned)
–6 grated radishes
–2 cups of goat’s milk
–A pinch of salt
–Honey to taste
Mix ingredients together and simmer until it smells like “the tears of our slain countrymen.” Serve at room temperature. It sounds gross, but it tastes disgusting.
Yours in Ricola,
Alexis
Alexis Kleinman is a senior who knows it all. She can be reached at akleinma@princeton.edu.
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