Column: Counting down the preppiest Princeton sports

Lawnparties, followed only by Reunions, is by far Princeton’s preppiest event. Regardless of standard dress, the majority of the student body makes an effort to wear more argyle, more seersucker and more madras than they would on most other occasions. Aside from discovering that Far East Movement (without The Cataracs and Dev) can actually entertain a crowd, what I enjoyed most about Lawnparties was the visible unity among Princeton students. For example, when Far East Movement told the ecstatic crowd that “this is the best mother[loving] backyard in America,” freshman, sophomore, junior and senior fists alike were thrown into the air in agreement. At that moment, I realized that the solidarity displayed in the backyard of Quadrangle Club rivaled that which is displayed in our University’s stadiums when the Tigers face an opposing team.

Interestingly, it is often the case that our athletes appear preppier than the bare-chested black-and-orange-painted fans rooting from the stands. After running every Princeton sports team through a reverse Knuth-Morris-Pratt algorithm discounting the kids that went to public school, I have determined that the top three preppiest sports teams on this campus are tennis, squash and golf. This result, of course, beckons the question: Which sports team can claim the title of preppiest, and why?

Surprisingly, the bronze medal goes to tennis, due to an absence of preppy gear. Considering that tennis is one of only a handful of country club sports, one would assume that Princeton tennis would fare better in a comparison of this sort. In actuality, beyond the ’70s-era shorts worn by the men’s team and skirts on the women’s team, Princeton tennis does not have much to offer in terms of preppiness. While I hate to say it, a quick glance at the Harvard tennis team’s webpage will show that Princeton is being out-prepped by the Crimson. This is an outrage. Hopefully our athletics department will make some adjustments.

Squash, on the other hand, takes the silver for its recognized efforts to stay classy — even on the court. In addition to skirts for the women and shorter than average shorts for the men, the men’s team sports collared shirts with the iconic orange and black shield. Furthermore, senior squash player Ed Casserley just so happens to be from England, to where, experts suggest, the origins of prepdom can be traced.

Golf effortlessly takes the gold, as its attire puts that of tennis and squash to shame. Both the men’s and women’s teams keep the Ivy League fashion tradition alive by wearing collared shirts, khaki pants and classy belts. Even their shoes resemble those worn by investment bankers. Essentially, a member of the Princeton golf team could have practiced in the morning, made an appearance at Lawnparties for a couple hours and returned to the golf course without changing. While I am not the biggest fan of the sport, I have to applaud our team for its determination to uphold borderline-formal attire during athletic competition.

Ultimately, it is not the preppiest team that leaves contests with a trophy in hand. Instead, it is the team that demonstrates its superiority in skill. But preppiness and superiority are not mutually exclusive. Our tennis, squash and golf teams validate that claim when they represent Princeton on their respective courts and fields.

To get a firsthand look at how Princeton golf dominates while being the best dressed on the course, head over to the Springdale Golf Club on Alexander Street this upcoming Saturday and Sunday and watch our women’s team at the annual Princeton Invitational.