Column: Athleticism can woo potential students

Some of you may be wondering why the world’s best and brightest would rather attend a school with a more active and athletic student body. While my rationale may be flawed, there are two underlying reasons. First, schools where students’ only exercise involves walking to the library are, simply put, mind-numbing to the brink of lunacy. Second, I’ve heard that athletes are more engaging and less socially awkward, so the more athletic students Princeton appears to have, the less awkward our campus will appear to be.

In proving to the prefrosh that Princeton is indeed a hub of athletic prominence, I would suggest that all hosts set their TVs and laptops to feature junior guard Doug Davis’ buzzer-beating shot on repeat. This approach is particularly effective in diminishing admitted students’ slightest inclination to accept a Crimson offer of admission.

For those who prefer reeducation through labor, grab a Frisbee and toss it on one of the expansive lawns our University meticulously maintains. This approach is more hands-on, because it involves actually going outside and being physically active.

For those who do not normally “toss the disk” — as sources in the Ultimate Frisbee Club refer to it — blame bad tosses on the wind, or say that your arm is “sore from yesterday’s workout.” If a worst-case scenario should occur — for example, there is no wind, your body type is a clear indication that you are not a regular at Dillon Gymnasium and the Frisbee never reaches your prefrosh no matter how hard you throw it — blame the inadequacy of your throw on the disk. It’s not the greatest excuse, but it’s less awkward than “I really don’t do this very often, because I’m always in the library.”

The last, and possibly most effective, strategy is to simply take your prefrosh to one of several Princeton sports games taking place this weekend. The men’s tennis team will play Columbia today at 2:00 p.m. Saturday, the men’s heavyweight crew, men’s volleyball team and women’s lacrosse team should be dominating in their respective sports.

Let the actual athletes prove how engaging and not awkward Princeton really is, but you should still make an honest effort to appear somewhat athletic. The only downside to this approach is that if Princeton happens to lose at the sporting event that your prefrosh attends, there is a higher likelihood that your prefrosh will prefer to attend another school. No pressure, athletes.

The truth is, Princeton is a fantastic university due in part to the people that fill the lecture halls. Some are athletes, some are “mathletes” and some cannot stand either of the two extremes. We are a diverse institution in terms of interests and abilities, and I am positive that every prefrosh will discover that in one way or another.