Everything in moderation

I’m handing off my girl to someone who can keep up with her, someone younger and less doddering than I. Perhaps she’s too much for one person to handle, in which case I’ll set up some kind of menage-a-trois. Any mutual parting of lovers can be sweet sorrow. Sorrow because she will no longer whisper personal stories in my ear for me to broadcast to the campus at large, but sweet because my relationship with PrincetonFML allowed me to gain a broad perspective on campus life. Secrecy was an important part of the affair at first, but we’re so comfortable with each other now, and we’re almost through anyway, so I’m lifting the curtain to show you a little bit about what I learned.

When I first discovered the website fmylife.com, I didn’t pay much attention to it. And as for the phrase fmylife, I love my life! Why would I want to admit that it’s getting f’ed? The problems that most of the posters complained about were often repetitive or so outrageous that they didn’t seem true. However, I realized that even repetitive posts on a Princeton-specific FML website would be entertaining because they would contain details that many Princetonians could relate to. For instance, references to falling down Terrace Club’s taproom stairs or awkward interactions in Stephens Fitness Center may still be funny the third or fourth time around. Similarly, these references lent verisimilitude to posts that sounded like tall tales.

Although familiarity solved the repetitiveness issue, readers of most FML sites commonly tire of posters complaining about petty problems. Such a website at Princeton, catering to those who are supposedly very fortunate, would be sure to draw the criticism that its users are acting in a spoiled manner. People discontent with the campus culture of Princeton sometimes point to phenomena such as the angry, polarized comment wars on The Daily Princetonian website, entitled “bitching” about so-called “First World Problems” on PrincetonFML, or institutionalized social competition on campus as symptoms of serious, harmful divides among the student population.

But through my experience with PrincetonFML, I believe that underneath it all, we generally love and care about both Princeton and our fellow Princetonians. Posts expressing pride for our school receive a surprisingly high number of up-votes for a readership that is purportedly disenchanted with the school. Some people even protest to me that not enough of the posts on the site are “FMLs,” that too many of the posts are just narcissistic admirations of life at Princeton or resignations to the dull banality of the issues we face in everyday life, for the use of MLIG (“my life is great”) and MLIA (“my life is average”) have become commonplace. And posts expressing serious personal concerns (such as depression, not having friends or actual medical problems) are almost always met with supportive, encouraging comments and suggestions: “Schedule a counseling appointment at McCosh,” “Talk to your RCA,” “Join Band!” or just “hugs.” Students who feel embarrassed sharing their problems with their friends or don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves can find an audience with other Princetonians, maybe the same friends whom they can’t approach personally. There’s a certain catharsis that you can experience when you get to express your woes, and a vindication that you feel when others sympathize or empathize with you.

The posts I enjoy the most are ones that are both simple and potentially applicable to the lives of many. For example, “Crumbs down the bra again. FML.” Beyond connecting messy eaters, my gossip girl constantly has a finger on the pulse of Princeton. Dean’s Date stress, traveling woes, midterm week, Bicker, rush — she provides company for both those who are in actual misery and those who are merely languishing in lecture.

Like any other school year, this past one has been long and short at the same time. We are all granted but a limited amount of time here, and my time will elapse soon. Nonetheless, I finish with satisfaction. Getting my life fucked wasn’t always fun or convenient. But it did strip away some of Princeton’s outer layers to reveal an unexpectedly caring community.

Raymond Hsu, a politics major from South Elgin, Ill., is the moderator of the website PrincetonFML.com. He can be reached at rhhsu@princeton.edu.