I suspect that the recent sex survey made for one of the most talked-about issues in recent ‘Prince’ history. Of course, the poll was not necessarily the most scientific of undertakings. As my statistics professor would probably hasten to remind us, we should be careful about drawing too many conclusions from this type of instrument.
On the other hand, it can still serve as a useful jumping-off point for discussions about relationships, and a careful approach can help avoid the pitfalls of an unscientific survey.
I’m not going to make any arguments about abstinence or sexual activity here. Other writers on this page have carefully and thoroughly made their cases on these topics. But we stand to gain a great deal as individuals and as a social group from revisiting the timeworn practice of dating.
According to the survey results, 62 percent of men and 51 percent of women surveyed have had sex. But only 56 percent of men and 54 percent of women have gone on a dinner date with another Princeton student. This would mean that, of the respondents, at least 6 percent of men have had sex but never been on a date with another Princeton student.
Furthermore, only 44 percent of men and 46 percent of women have been in a month-long relationship at Princeton, but 56 percent of men and 50 percent of women reported having sex at least once a month. In other words, even accounting for the male tendency to overstate sexual conquests, students report as much — or more — sexual activity as they do dating. Moreover, the sexual activity is frequent, but only one date could suffice to be in the “yes” column. Given all this, we can feel reasonably confident that a large proportion of Princeton students have more sex than dates, let alone relationships.
This might not seem surprising from the perch of our lifetime. But in another decade, the results for the question about sexual activity would probably have been outrageous even if all of those students were in relationships. Just consider the societal norms for college romance when Princeton went co-ed. The assumption in many decades past would have been that the sexually active students were in a relationship, or at least dating. Heck, even Maxwell invited Joan out to the picture in the Beatles song. If the ‘Prince’ survey is to be trusted, the culture wars have migrated to a whole different battlefield than they occupied in past decades.
What about today? There are a few logistical reasons that Princeton students might not date. First, Princeton is a pricey town. Many of the eateries that are accessible by foot cater to an affluent adult cohort and not the thin-wallet college crowd. Second, dinnertime on Saturdays tends to be prime time for studying. That, too, would prove an obstacle to old-school dinner dates.
But neither point should mean that half the student body has never been on a dinner date. To be clear, that’s not “dates once a week” or “dates once a month” — it’s “dates never.” As a group apparently interested in romance, surely we have the time and creativity to arrange an affordable dinner date, even if it involves a car or bus ride to the more reasonably priced chain restaurants on Route 1.
Instead, we seem to have a cultural aversion here on campus to the dinner date. The eating clubs offer no shortage of opportunities for meeting “romantic” partners, and that seems to be good enough for many.
I’m not attempting to make a definitive statement on the question of abstinence in one college newspaper column. I’m simply wondering whether we might be stronger as people and a community if this Valentine’s Day we could take one small step toward resolving the so-called culture war: Ask that girl or guy out on a date.
Think of it as retro. Think of it as updating a timeworn social custom for our generation. Or think of it as an important part of American social fabric. A dinner date doesn’t lock both parties into a long-term relationship, nor does it involve a vow of lifelong celibacy. And there’s no reason it has to just be guys asking girls — girls can ask guys, or guys can ask guys, or girls can ask girls.
Perhaps, by resurrecting the seemingly lost art of the dinner date, a few previously “anti-date” women might find value in the dignity of a refined evening on the town — and a few of our less-chivalrous men might discover the dignity inherent in every woman.
This is only one small corner of a larger debate. But rediscovering dinner dates could be common ground for all sides, a step toward adulthood and a kind of love that we can be proud of now and in years hence. It will be, after all, Valentine’s Day.
Brian Lipshutz is a sophomore from Lafayette Hill, Pa. He can be reached at lipshutz@princeton.edu.
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