This is not the only prank — or “hack,” as the MIT parlance goes — to grace that dome in recent years. Shortly before “Star Wars: Episode I” came out in 1999, the dome was lit up to look like R2D2. When the Boston Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, the dome was made to look like a baseball, and the team logo was painted on one side. Earlier this year, on the 40th anniversary of the first moon landing, a half-scale model of the lunar lander appeared dome-top. Other dome hacks abound, as do smaller hacks around the MIT campus.
Can you imagine something like that at Princeton? Can you imagine seeing a Public Safety car on top of Nassau Hall? Every year on April 24 — Newman’s Day — we put a margarita glass in the hand of the John Witherspoon statue near East Pyne. Every once in a while, we screw around with an Orange Key tour. But when it comes to real feats — ones that take brains and brawn, time and effort — we come up short.
This has always disappointed me. I’ve had a crush on MIT since high school, and, while I’m glad I didn’t wind up there, I still think they do a lot of things right. I think we could learn a thing or two from them, especially about how to have fun.
Why don’t we see more elaborate, crazy feats here at Princeton? Maybe you’d say — somewhat self-righteously, if you’re in the comments section — that it’s a question of how we spend our leisure time: Princeton kids go out, party, drink — have fun — while MIT kids skulk around toting used car parts.
There are two responses to this. First, it’s just false. I’ve been to some MIT parties, and they’re just as great as any good night on the Street. You’ll have to trust me for now, but I hope you get to see for yourself someday, because you’ll have a good time. Second, and perhaps more important, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, anyway, if we spent less time blowing off steam with alcohol and more time pulling off bizarre and silly stunts.
So again, why don’t we? One notices that MIT hackers often poke fun at themselves. For instance, some crosswalk street signs around the MIT campus were changed one night to read “NERD X-ING,” showing a hunched-over guy carrying a calculator. I get the sense that, at Princeton, we’re not so forthcoming with self-mockery. Maybe we’re too uptight — that is, maybe we don’t have such great antics because we take ourselves too seriously.
Maybe. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I’m sick of it. And so, for the rest of this column, I’m going to mention some pranks I’ve always wanted to see happen.
Idea No. 1: Inflate hundreds of balloons, write “A-plus” on them with a Sharpie and sneak them into Dean Malkiel’s office at night. Take pictures to send to the ‘Prince’ so that the visual isn’t lost on everyone, and tape a tiny dart gun to the door, with a single dart and a note saying, “Good luck deflating!”
Idea No. 2: In “This Side of Paradise,” F. Scott Fitzgerald describes some of the eating clubs. Ivy Club is “breathlessly aristocratic,” Tiger Inn is “an honest elaboration of prep-school standards,” Colonial Club is “flamboyant” and so on. I’d love to see someone, under the cover of night, hang big banners with matching descriptions on the roofs of each club.
Idea No. 3: Atop the awning in front of the Public Safety headquarters are some metal letters that read “Department of Public Safety,” all in caps. It’s juvenile, I know, but I’d like to see someone remove the “L” from “Public.” (In accordance with the rules, the letter “L” should not be damaged or lost.)
Idea No. 4: Up the ante on Newman’s Day — put an oversized margarita glass in the hand of every single statue on campus. If a statue doesn’t have a hand — and some don’t — attach one.
Idea No. 5: Plaster the outside of Robertson Hall with a bunch of wrenches and screw-drivers. Make them easy to remove, but high enough that you need a ladder to get to them.
I’ll get to work on these once I finish my thesis, but don’t wait for me. Follow these ideas, alter them or carry out your own. The only rules are: don’t do any damage, make things easy to undo and — above all — don’t take yourself too seriously.
Greg Burnham is a math major from Memphis, Tenn. He can be reached at gburnham@princeton.edu. Want to write for Opinion? Apply online! We are accepting applications until Feb. 12.
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