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Real Life 501

The article did make me realize, however, that there are a lot of other, more mundane, but necessary skills in which Princeton could make a substantial difference in its students’ lives. Like taxes.

I have no idea how to file a tax return. I’ve never even seen a tax form. I’ve read books on American tax policy and op-ed pieces on the relative merits of a value-added tax versus our usual income tax, and I know that 41 percent of New Jersey voters cite property taxes as the most pressing issue in their upcoming gubernatorial election. But still, I don’t know how to file a tax return. I’m told that this requires something like a degree in Sanskrit to interpret. Since Princeton already teaches Sanskrit, why not also offer a class on filling out tax forms?

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The same goes for health care: I’ve been dutifully following the struggle in the Senate for Maine Senator Olympia Snowe’s lonely Republican vote, checking The New York Times every few hours to read up on the latest developments. But I went for an eye examination at the University Medical Center two weeks ago, and I didn’t even know who my own insurance provider was.

I doubt that I’m the only Princetonian who would stare blankly at an apartment lease, call his parents (mother, particularly) to explain a mortgage and pass over life insurance in serene confidence of his own immortality. And despite the (literal) file that I possess on 401(k)s as a disputed matter of public policy, I have no idea how to make them work in practice. (I’m told that they usually don’t work in practice. That’s part of the reason why unemployment in the AARP set is at record-high levels. They are very tempting to raid for funds, especially during economic downturns, and hardly anyone maxes out contributions. They also get more risky as the holder approaches retirement, which is a perverse default in the system. But that’s another story.)

Princeton finds a way to make every freshman sit down for a writing seminar. But since entering high school, I have only ever had to write research papers on two occasions: once for the mandatory learn-how-to-write-a-research-paper course in my freshman year of high school, and again for the mandatory learn-how-to-write-a-research-paper course in my freshman year at university. Why not replace the writing seminars with an (optional) senior year last-semester course on Real Life Skills? RLS 501: Beyond FitzRandolph Gate. (Obviously this reform is not contingent on axing the writing seminars, but the example proves that we can create a University-wide academic experience like I am proposing.)

The problem sets would be tax returns, using real tax forms, modeled on “average” Princeton alumni. (I don’t know what that means in practice, but I imagine it would not be difficult for the professors to come up with a few standard models; the lawyer, the banker and the doctor would probably cover 80 percent of alumni. The politician, the disgraced ex-politician, and the university professor would probably get us to 95 percent.)

Midterms would consist of purchasing health insurance for a variety of model Princetonians. We should be careful to teach to present circumstances, not advocate shifts in public policy: There are good reasons why professors might want to suggest policy reforms during their lectures, but the purpose of this particular class would be to teach students how to deal with the world as it presently exists.

We could do a running simulation of a person’s retirement savings over the length of the course so that the final exam would be spread out over 12 weeks: Whoever has enough money to retire passes the exam. (Now that would be realistic.) We could assign students three random models to manage, or let the students choose their own, individualized model — I think potential professors would be best suited to design this level of detail. Professors of politics could explain tort procedures (especially what to do in a fender bender) and how to sell a house.

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The course would be principally oriented to finance, so I could see borrowing professors from economics and operations reserach and financial engingeering to help teach it, though politics would have a role to play as well. Finding a department willing to sponsor the class would be difficult — but somehow, we made the writings seminars work. (Or, at least, come into being.) Once it is recognized how useful this course would be, I can imagine the University creating a program to host the subject.

Princeton can’t stop divorce or teach marriage — but it can teach us how to file a joint tax return. And I would be the last person to justify a class on utilitarian grounds, but I would also be the first (among many, I suspect) to sign up for a course like this.

Brendan Carroll is a philosophy major from New York. He can be reached at btcarrol@princeton.edu.

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