Like all fables, these include lessons: Be the first kid. Don’t be the second.
But how? A few other details might be instructive. The first kid also manages an important student publication, is an officer of a bicker club and belongs to an a cappella group. The second kid doesn’t. In other words, work should be left to the last minute if you are busy doing more important things, but if not, then you should get your act together and deserve no sympathy.
Theoretically, all Princeton students lose in a system that perpetuates a culture of stress where students think it’s imperative to pile a lot on their plates because everyone else is doing it, leading to sleep deprivation, Red Bull consumption and zombie-like waking hours. We end up competing over how little sleep we get, how much coffee we consume and how dead we feel. And all this to meet the ridiculous standard of being good at everything.
In reality, the culture of stress doesn’t harm students by setting impossibly high expectations. After all, Princeton students don’t read the fables literally. Most people fall somewhere in between the two students mentioned at the beginning of this story. After their first semester, freshmen quickly learn that sleep is good. Rather, the culture of stress harms students by reducing the significance of stress.
Witness the following conversation.
Junior (with Red Bull in hand): I have sooo much work this week. My JP adviser hates me, I haven’t slept in days and I need to plan my best friend’s birthday party.
Senior (with bags under her eyes): That sucks. But wait till next year. I still need to write 30 pages of my thesis, go to rehearsal and go to a job interview. Basically, I’m failing at life.
Junior (watching someone go by): Can you believe she finished her thesis already? What a tool.
Senior (nodding): She must have no life.
Junior (spotting a friend): Chris! How’s it going?
Chris: Eh … not so good. Looks like an all-nighter tonight. I couldn’t get to this 10-page paper until today.
Senior (halfheartedly): Ouch! Don’t worry … You’ll get it done. But I guess you won’t be up for a coffee break.
Chris: Right … Gotta run.
Junior (looking at her watch): Back to Firestone?
Senior: OK, but it’s more like back to Facebook.
In the above exchange, the principal conversationalists know what they’re doing. It’s a carefully choreographed conversation in which both participants make each other feel better in a few ways. First, the culture of stress makes complaining acceptable, earning them sympathy: “That sucks. Basically, I’m failing at life.” Second, the culture of stress gives them something to bond over, like being stuck on Firestone on a Saturday night. Third, it gives a sense of importance: “I need to plan my best friend’s birthday party.” Fourth, it provides a common boogeyman, the tool who’s done with her thesis early. Most importantly, it provides a crutch. It’s OK to be stressed since so is everyone else. Moreover, if I procrastinate by Facebooking, I know that my friends will invariably Facebook me back.
Ultimately, they also know that the only reason they can stand there and talk about this is because everything will work out in the end. After all, they go to Princeton, they will find jobs, and they will graduate. This roundabout system persists because it seems harmless, if not a little self-congratulatory.
Unfortunately, this system creates some losers as well. First, there’s the girl who gets labeled for having her act together. We discount the value of hard work and organization as being “toolish.” Second, there’s poor Chris and others like him who don’t have an outlet for their woes. Even though we shouldn’t applaud irresponsibility, legitimate concerns deserve more than a derisive token comment. Those who are actually in danger of turning in papers late who deign to tell their peers are quickly outed as pitiable figures, slackers, or worse — walking reminders of what not to do. When the language of stress is conflated with the language of success, it undermines both real success and real stress.
Cindy Hong is a Wilson School major from Princeton. She can be reached at cindyh@princeton.edu.
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