Just one short week ago, my carrel was probably my least favorite place on campus, and the Thesis was a sort of Herculean task or maybe a near-death experience. I can’t even begin to list the number of post-Thesis resolutions I was making: Once I’m done, I’m going to go to the gym; I’m going to finish that novel; I’m going to write a children’s book; I’m going to Disneyland ... Finishing the Thesis was going to be like cheating death or finding God — that incredible life-shattering event which clearly broke my life into the Dark Before and the Wondrous After. It was how I sustained myself through that dark night of despair.
Now however, as if by magic, there’s only one crucial “Once I’m done.” Once I’m done with my thesis, I’m going to get it leather bound at Smith-Shattuck with a beautiful orange ribbon bookmark, and then I will name it George and I will hug it and pet it and squeeze it. Life after the Thesis has effectively ceased to be meaningful — why would I want to go to Disneyland, when I can sit in my carrel and typeset my thesis in Garamond? At some undefined point during spring break, I went from being inordinately stressed out and miserable to being joyful and chipper. In the process all the painful hair tearing has been revised to joyful walks in the park in my memory, and my dingy carrel with its middle-school-blue paint and washed out genitalia has become the most beautiful place in the world.
Princeton alumni are known as some of the happiest alumni in the world. Our alumni give in much higher quantities than do those of rival institutions. Some people attribute this to the eating clubs. Some attribute it to the all-knowing and brilliant Annual Giving campaign. Others still say that it’s all due to the fact that Princeton is the best place in the world. Well, obviously that last one is pretty compelling, but I think the real reason is the Thesis. By being forced upon every single senior, the Thesis forms a strong cohesive solidarity among Princetonians. Over spring break I saw people I haven’t seen in years, and we all bonded immediately around our shared plight. This forms a strong class identity, but it transcends classes, as all alumni can relate to the experience.
But there’s another significant role that the Thesis plays in making Princetonians among the happiest people in the world. It drives us absolutely insane. My friend who goes to that place where the fun goes to die is also stressing out about her thesis, but she isn’t taking any classes. Me, I’m taking two. My carrelmate, she’s taking three, and one of them is a grad seminar. The pressures of senior year are many, and they all compound each other: taking classes, getting a job, writing a thesis, dealing with other independent work for certificates. The only way to deal with it all is to dissolve yourself into it and love it or kill yourself. But Princeton has, to the best of my knowledge, a low suicide rate. I tell you, it’s because of the Thesis!
I’d love to tell you more, but I’ve wasted enough time away from My Precious. I have to go fix some footnotes. I’m off to the carrel — what joy!
So, anyone want to go to Disneyland after April 15th?
Martha Vega-Gonzalez is a history major from New York, N.Y. She can be reached at mvega@princeton.edu.
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