Polly want a course eval?

Yes, if you share my sense of punctuality and my love of administrative busywork, chances are USG re-revote announcements aren't the only e-mails clogging your inbox. Like me, you probably received that message two weeks ago informing you that dire consequences waited if you did not fill out your course evaluations. Also like me, you probably did not find out what those consequences were, as that would have required actually reading said e-mails. Of course, this past week I got a second reminder - this time made of cut-and-pasted magazine ads - warning me that if I ever wanted to see my precious grades again, I had better deliver $5 million in small unmarked course evaluations by Jan. 26.

Of course, if the Registrar's office had bothered to look at my past grades, they'd realize a much more effective strategy would be to threaten to send a school-wide e-mail announcing my grades to everyone. Nonetheless, they had piqued my interest. What were these new evaluations like? (For you freshmen, the old course evaluations happened on the last day of every class and involved pretending to fill out a bubble sheet with a tiny golf-course pencil long enough to hand in the sheet and peace in time for late meal ... ah, underclass years ... those were the good old days.)

So I logged on to SCORE and went to the course evaluations page, expecting perhaps that a digitized bubble sheet would pop up and my mouse pointer would turn into a tiny golf pencil. Instead, of course, I found before me a very typical online form. The first five items asked general questions about why I took the course and my level of engagement. These were followed by a free-response box asking, "Why did you take this course? What was your level of engagement?" Clearly, this was going to be as mind-numbingly formulaic as the old bubble-sheets.

At least under the old system course evaluations were, in a sense, voluntary. That doesn't mean no one filled them out, of course; I know some people who revel in filling out the evals for courses they despised. Some of the favorite responses I've heard:

"In the free response section, I wrote ‘This class must be why US News & World Report ranked us #2 this year.' "

"Where it asked, ‘What did you like most about this course?' I put ‘It was scheduled in the afternoon, which was a convenient time for me.' '"

"Under ‘What are the strengths of this course?' I just wrote ‘N/A.' "

Of course, these are extreme examples. Sad as it may be, if a class is just fine, a lot of us don't really feel strongly enough to spend 15 minutes filling in the "Good" bubble for 30 different categories. But there is some value to this format, after all. It gives professors the opportunity to get clear and concise feedback about their teaching without any time commitment or additional effort on their part, and that seems genuinely useful.

In fact, now that I think about it, maybe the concept of online course evaluations could be extended to other aspects of life. What if, instead of trying to ask a girl out, I simply put up an online survey?

Question 1:

How do you respond to this statement: "I am attracted to you."

1) Strongly agree, 2) Agree, 3) Neutral, 4) Disagree, 5) Strongly Disagree, 6) N/A.

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Or what if my mother wanted honest responses to her cooking?

Question 2:

How would you rate the quality of my casserole this evening?

1) Excellent, 2) Very Good, 3) Good, 4) Fair, 5) Poor, 6) N/A.

Or perhaps we could use polls like this to evaluate everyday decisions:

Question 3:

Given my current condition, would you recommend downing the rest of this bottle of Jack?

1) Strongly Recommend, 2) Recommend, 3) Neutral, 4) Recommend Against, 5) Strongly Recommend Against, 6) N/A.

Hmm ... perhaps these required online course evals aren't so bad after all. Maybe this will spark a change in the trend of student indifference. Imagine what Princeton would be like if we all cared, truly cared, about everything we did, and took the time to -

Wait ... there's a decline button? Oh, I am SO declining.

Brandon Lowden is an electrical engineering major from McKee's Rocks, Pa. He can be reached at blowden@princeton.edu.