You probably think the editorial board spends a lot of time writing its decisions, yeah? But you're wrong; it's sooooo easy. Here's one of the mad-libs we use to create decisions; feel free to make your own!
As (random past action that has nothing to do with editorial) concludes, and students look forward with dread to (future action tangentially related to editorial), the editorial board would like to (pompous verb synonymous with “tell [x] what to do”) the USG. After all, (percentage) of students claim they (sexual action) alone in their rooms. (Go online to see how the editorial board (technical-sounding verb meaning “guesstimate”)ed this (bullshit statistic).)
In order to combat this (moderately annoying inconvenience), the USG should (irrelevant action) (adverb denoting immediate action). Though (major cost and inconvenience to University) would likely ensue, this trivial inconvenience is well worth the price.
Don’t believe the hype. Whenever the (useless student organization that is not the ‘Prince’) sends an all-school (form of communication), the result is (foul-smelling adjective). Though (social disease) is nothing to laugh at, the office of (vague adjective) (socioeconomic group) affairs has done an (adjective) job in (verb)ing this (noun). But there is still more work to be done.
It is (adjective connoting shock) to the board that the administration does not (verb) all our (plural noun). If we cannot expect (unreasonable expectation), our collective “(body part)” is doomed to shrivel and misfire. After all, “(complete misquote of earlier ‘Prince’ article which was already a misquote).” There is only one way to interpret this: (Summary of Don Quixote in one sentence or less).
(Random facebook friend) ’10 has thus far advanced student (body part) in a significant (noun) by (verb) ing (female administrator)’s plaintive pleas to (erotic exclamation).
As (WWS professor board member writing the editorial is trying to suck up to) wrote in his book, (bland truism). So (sexual verb) on that, (fraternity)! The board can only (verb used ad nauseum by the President-elect) that the (student organization not mentioned yet in editorial) will (suggestive verb) everyone’s (suggestive noun) long into the new year.
This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.
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