At times, Princeton's social scene is all too similar to the interactions on the playground. The Street is our grown-up version of the playground, where the eating clubs foster the stereotypes of elitism and exclusivity that Princeton is often criticized for. This pertains to the bicker clubs in particular. The nature of the bicker system makes it hard to create meaningful friendships because it promotes individual social climbing. Even at sign-in clubs, it is difficult to overcome the Street's general mindset that exclusivity is directly correlated to fun.
At some point on the playground you were faced with the dilemma of choosing between being accepted into the group or remaining outside with a friend who was left out. We all know how difficult it can be to attain passes or a spot on the guest list at bicker clubs. During freshman fall, despite wanting a group of friends, the challenge of getting access to bicker eating clubs can override newly made bonds of friendship. We convince ourselves that we are making friends when we are really just fighting for a position on the bottom rung of the social ladder. It seems that in many cases we pursue friends only for our own personal gain rather than for companionship.
The problem begins with finding a group to go out to the Street with. Here at Princeton we don't live in big freshman dorms like at other schools where bonding with hallmates is a substantial part of freshman year. Instead we have the residential college system where freshmen and sophomores live together, and from what I've experienced so far, the sophomores don't eagerly try to get to know the freshmen living around them. Entryways cut you off from people literally on the other side of the wall so you may get to know a few people in the rooms around you. Instead of in the dorm, we pick up friends here and there. Some are left over from Outdoor Action or Community Action; others we already knew before coming to Princeton. After a few weeks, the original group of friends becomes interested in different activities. As friends join a cappella and dance groups, friends made during Freshman Week drift apart because there is more security in finding a defined group to associate and go out with rather than just a random assortment of friends.
Nobody, least of all an insecure freshman, wants to show up to a party alone. After about a month scrambling to figure out where and who to go out with, the Greek system begins to look like an enticing option, even for people who were initially uninterested. Not only is a fraternity or sorority a group of people interested in the same social life as you, but they also have access to the same parties and eating clubs. Though this is not the only motivating factor for joining fraternities and sororities it's something I considered when deciding whether to rush. (I ultimately did rush.) Greek life at Princeton doesn't appeal to everyone, but it does to a significant number of people, as more than 100 women in the freshman class rush sororities every year.
Part of the problem is that rush happens early in the year before freshmen can decide what they want to be involved in and make friends in other ways. It takes more than a month to acclimate to the social scene and decide what the best path to pursue is.
I think it is important for freshmen to be aware of the difficulty of making worthwhile friendships at Princeton. Climbing the social ladder is not the experience you'll want to recall when rehashing memories of college. It is important to remind ourselves why we find it so important to go to eating clubs every weekend and decide whether it is worth letting other friends get away.
This is something I thought about a lot before I decided to pledge a sorority. I promised myself I would make an effort and not let the glamor of sorority and eating club life keep me from other friends. At times I slip, as it is easy to become complacent within one social group. But while it may take more effort to pursue a friendship outside of your core group, it is possible and worthwhile. Even though at heart we're still on the playground, it's time to handle our friendships like adults.
Simone Hill is a freshman from Atlanta, Ga. She can be reached at simoneh@princeton.edu.
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