Before I say anything else, I want you to go into your facebook.com profiles and take out all of the things that sound silly and pretentious. I know it all seemed very cool when college was some vast unknowable frontier, but now you're actually here and your roommates are going to figure out Ayn Rand isn't really your favorite author after you spend the entire first week playing Guitar Hero in the common room. Don't feel bad; I made the same mistake. It only took a few days at Princeton before I changed my "About Me" from something ridiculous like "I listed my Political Views as ‘Other' because I don't feel my beliefs can be assimilated to fit within the two-party system," to something more accurate like "I am a complete tool."
Now that you're being honest with me, I feel it's only fair that I respond in kind. Here's my first piece of advice: For the next month or so, you will be assaulted from every direction by people wanting you to join every kind of extracurricular organization you could possibly imagine. Many of them will take this marketing angle: "Even if you've never done this before, you should try it because you might like it and/or excel at it and/or become rich and famous because of it!" To be fair, this is not necessarily wrong. I never wrote newspaper columns in high school, and - well, you go to Princeton now; figure it out. It is also entirely possible, however, that you will hate and/or suck at and/or become poor and unremarkable because of the thing that said club, team or secret brotherhood does.
Let's look at a common example. Princeton has a number (I will estimate it at infinity-plus-one) of a cappella groups, and every one of them will tell you, "Even if you've never been in a singing group before, OMG you should totally come audition LOL!" And it may be the case that you have a great voice. But it's also possible that you've never been in a singing group because you are, like me, horrendously bad at singing. Nonetheless, the a cappellicans will be waiting to pounce around every corner, hoping to pressure you into trying out regardless of your ability or interest. I suggest you carry a musical instrument with you at all times; when you play it, the a cappella group will become confused, allowing you to make your escape.
[Editor's Note: The statements above represent the author's own personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of The Daily Princetonian. Incidentally, we're having an open house this week. You should totally stop by. It doesn't matter if you've never worked for a paper before.]
My second piece of advice is more academically inclined. Very soon, you will find people are asking you annoying questions about vague, unimportant things like your "intended major," your "prospective career" or your "future." Of course, most of you freshmen will be too busy learning that college is neither "Animal House" nor "A Beautiful Mind" and picking up parts of the Princeton lexicon ("the Street," "late meal," "squirrel") to worry about anything like that.
But before you know it, you'll be graduating, so it is of absolute importance that you pay attention to these questions and think very hard about what you want to do with your life. Want to go on to study at the prestigious Princeton Medical School with Dr. House? You may need to do some fact-checking. Ever dreamed of changing the world, making a difference and being kind of self-righteous all at the same time? Then the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs is for you. Do you simply want to sell out and work for an investment bank? Try history. Or philosophy. Or whatever the hell you want as long as you know how to rub elbows with alumni. And most importantly, if you don't want to write a thesis, become an engineer.
My final piece of advice may actually be sincere. You are only here at Princeton for a limited time. Appreciate it. Enjoy it. Make connections. Make friendships. Learn new things about the world. Learn new things about yourself. Twenty years from now while you're on hold with tech support trying to fix your Blackberry after throwing it at the wall during that fight with your daughter from a previous marriage, you'll think back to now and realize this was the best time of your life. The next four years will totally change you. (OK, maybe not totally. I'm still a complete tool.)
But seriously: Welcome to Princeton.
Brandon Lowden is an electrical engineering major from McKees Rocks, Pa. He can be reached at blowden@princeton.edu.
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