Instead of getting an awkward retraction or even an insincere apology, I was told, "Don't worry about it, it's just a joke." He continued to recite his narrative; I sat stunned. For a horrifying moment I felt divorced from any semblance of reality; at what point did rape, the unwanted physical violation of a person's sexual sovereignty, become fodder for bad jokes?
As a peer adviser for Sexual Harassment/Assault Resources and Education (SHARE), I do consistently "worry about" issues concerning sexual harassment and sexual assault. This nation, indeed even our campus, is plagued by sexual assault and sexual harassment. I cannot envision a scenario where sexual assault or harassment is fodder for hilarious punch lines. Even the jovial lunch table could not muster a sincere laugh at my friend's awkward turn of phrase. I was not particularly offended by my friend's joke made in poor taste; we all push the boundaries of acceptability, especially in humor. What I found disappointing was his inability to see that someone could be offended by making light of rape.
I remember complaining with a friend about a middle school principal we both thought was useless. In our escalating complaining session, I angrily called the principal "retarded." Our jovial discussion quickly veered into the uncomfortable as my friend told me that her brother was mentally handicapped, and she did not appreciate people using "retarded" as a derogatory word. I never meant to equate mental retardation with having no value; my word choice made the connection for me.
My inappropriate use of the word "retarded" as a derogatory term had a very real impact on my friend who was upset by the devaluing of her brother. Similarly, my friend's comparison of taking an exam to sexual assault served to demean the experiences of sexual assault survivors and his callous use of language hijacked the meaning of a term with real world impacts.
We are all well aware of the catastrophic results of sexual assault; aside from physical wounds, rape survivors must also deal with humiliation, guilt, powerlessness, anxiety, depression and feelings of vulnerability. The effects of rape are so catastrophic that in times of war, armies have used rape as a tool to sow instability and destroy the very fabric of functioning society. In Bosnia, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Rwanda and Uganda, rape has been used as a weapon to destroy women, children and families. The international community has included rape in its definition of genocide.
The expanses of the Pacific and Atlantic oceans have not protected Americans from the disastrous effects of rape. While state laws and University policy view sexual assault as a violent crime, our culture struggles to place sexual assault in a meaningful context that recognizes the pain and suffering survivors of rape endure. Jokes about "surprise sex" and being "raped" by an exam serve to distract society from the real pain inflicted on survivors.
The danger of his joke does not lie in its political incorrectness but his underestimation of the power of language. The words we use often represent our levels of empathy and understanding. If rape becomes a pejorative term for mild discomfort, then we obscure the true meaning of the word. Such jokes and expressions beg the question, if rape is a joke, are the survivors of rape the butt of a joke?
Sexual assault and harassment are not abstractions; we meet victims of sexual assault and harassment in our daily lives. They are burdened with coping with tragic abuse in a society that finds their suffering funny and comical. Creating a functioning society requires a certain degree of empathy and politeness. When we callously divorce words from their meaning, we run the risk of inadvertently offending those we care about.
In hope of fostering a more caring society built on understanding and not belittlement, a society founded on respect and not ridicule, I invite survivors and members of the Princeton community who stand in solidarity with survivors to attend Take Back the Night on Friday, April 25th at 7 p.m. on Frist's South Lawn. For all the hurt and harm language is capable of, it also holds the potential to heal.
Michael Collins is a freshman from Glastonbury, Conn. He can be reached at mjcollin@princeton.edu.
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