I usually read The Atlantic Monthly to learn more about myself. Sometimes I'm just not sure what motivates me or what my agenda is. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm an Organization Kid or not. The Atlantic Monthly tells me. From it I've learned that I'm a mechanized, apathetic robot but nevertheless am on the right track to success. Also, I don't care about politics because I didn't have a campaign poster hanging from my window in October. To tell you the truth, I feel kind of foolish having voted considering I'm the type of person who will acquiesce to any political regime as long as I can reap from society all its pulpy fruits.
But a couple of days ago I tripped over several books lying on the threshold of my bedroom and figured something out — I'm not apathetic, I'm just lazy-specific. What I had tripped over were library books — all of them overdue! I hadn't returned them, and this seemed to upset everything I'd learned about myself in The Atlantic. A mechanized robot would have turned those books in. Someone who respected authority would have brought them back on time. And then I also learned why I'm not involved in any political crusade at the present moment — why I may be seen as politically apathetic.
If there were heavy penalties for returning library books, I would do it. If Firestone was going to burn down if I didn't return my books, I'd take them back. If a giant spider was going to spit spider acid on my face and punch me in the stomach, I'd return my books. But if I'm going to accumulate a $15 fine, well, then I'm going to go to sleep. The Atlantic is right, I have choices to make, but that doesn't mean I'm unaware of the external world or that I'm a big fat pushover. It just means that I'm not going to tote a sign around lambasting the creation of a national park in Oklahoma or the appointment of Judge Henry Winkerbean to the Federal Court of Ohio in lieu of sleep. That's my choice. When the government begins to flog every citizen with the last name of Applebrisket, then I'll get up and protest. I promise.
There are a lot of us out there who don't return our library books on time. There are a lot of us who knowingly leave our cars in forbidden parking places and risk their being towed. There are a lot of us who won't look up the definitions of words that we don't know in novels. And there are a lot of us who like to stick silverware in live toasters. But these activities don't mean that we're apathetic.
I'm a peaceable fellow when I'm not fighting. I have no reason to bark and protest when it's really a better use of my time to do laundry. And I have no reason to do laundry when it's really a better use of my time to sleep. One of the more curious features of The Atlantic article concerning Princeton life is the way David Brooks spun in an ambiguously negative light the fact that today's kids watch less television — as if the fact that David Brooks watched eight hours of cartoons and we a mere five implies that we're closing in on fascism. It's hard not to look on the Organization Kid with contempt no matter how hard Mr. Brooks tries to mollify that contempt with the laudations that we are "responsible, safety-conscious, and mature." Safety-conscious? What? Only idiots and dare-devils aren't.
Cool theory, Mr. Brooks, but maybe it's really just human nature being human nature, not the farce that you have there. Now I'm not apathetic, but I'm still going to sleep. Eric Bland is an English major from Richmond, VA. He can be reached at ebbland@princeton.edu.
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