14 Things I Hate About School

I am not a hateful person. In fact, I am normally regarded as a pretty cheerful, optimistic and somewhat sarcastic person, but by no means hateful. And so I feel somewhat guilty when I harbor hate or anger toward someone in my life because everyone knows that bottling up bad feelings leads to an explosion and sometimes if you're lucky, a really good fight.

But as a 'Prince' columnist, I have this therapeutic release built right into my schedule for the week, a chance to let it all out and have it delivered to your doorstep. So forgive me if you have to suffer through my ranting, but I feel that in order to start off the year properly, I should go into it with a clean slate. In the words of George Carlin, here are some things and people I can do without:

1. People who leave their couches in courtyards across campus. I know that I praised you during Freshman Week, when I could pass out in any one of a number of spots, but West Nile mosquitoes are now breeding like sea monkeys outside of my door.

2. The PST morning crew. If you are that peppy that early in the morning, take Orgo.

3. People who refuse to use Scotch tape or poster mounts like the rest of us, and instead choose to HAMMER Everything. Until March.

4. Preceptors who play name games, and even worse, students who, when asked to state why they chose to take a certain class, actually have a reason. This makes the rest of us, who say things like, "I heard it's a gut," "I dunno," and "Wait, what class is this?" look even worse.

5. On the same note, preceptors younger than I am who decide my academic future. I appreciate child prodigies and all (Mozart, Rainman, Tori Amos), but I have a few issues with seeing them in any sort of position of authority. If they can't drink legally, don't let them teach the class.

6. Clippy, the talking paper clip who pops up when you ask for help in Microsoft Word. All I want to know is a synonym, or maybe how to format my tabs, but NOOOOO. Little Clippy, with his smarmy tone and his wee beady eyes, he's just a-prancin' all around the screen, telling me that he can't answer my question right then, could I please rephrase it? I think he watched me change for bed last night. That is one messed-up animated stationery accessory.

7. Sadistic Print-It employees. It's hard enough to pay 70 bucks for grainy Xeroxes. Couldn't they at least have the decency to wait until we leave the store to cheer?

8. The voice-mail lady, but only when she says, "You have no new messages," or, "Sorry you're having trouble, GOODBYE." It's like she's rubbing it in.

9. Mascots that "fake" having a fight. I say all or nothing, either keep out of each other's way, or start tearing out fur. I want to see the Harvard Crimson go down hard. Don't tease me with that gentle shoving bit.

10. Male prospective students and their fathers who come on tours dressed alike. It may seem harmless at first, even cute to some, but think about what would happen if they actually got in . . .

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11. The little knob on the door handles of Frist that you have to turn in order to get in. As if our mailboxes aren't aggravating enough.

12. Our mailboxes in Frist.

13. Classes that follow the standard class-name formula where ____ and ____ = gut (such as Shake and Bake, Nuts and Sluts), but then actually present a real challenge. That's not fair.

14. Safeguards who go beyond threatening and instead reach the size where they're just really, really scary. Any man big enough to make me cry has no place at "Family Day" at the stadium.

Now I feel much better. Jen Adams is a psychology major from Ogdensburg, N.Y. She can be reached at ladams@princeton.edu.