Joke Issue

White House repeatedly declines to comment on Harvard-related matters*

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A satirical ticket wins the Undergraduate Council presidency. A Dean
leaks the median grade. A student makes a bomb threat to avoid taking a
final exam.

And the White House has commented on none of it.

Students are outraged at what they perceive to be a lack of attention paid by the nation’s highest executive office to the nation’s No. 2 university.

“We as a student body need to unite behind a clear message to the White
House: Enough is enough,” UC president Gus A. Mayopoulos ’15
said, announcing a march from Cambridge to Washington in protest of the
stonewalling. “The administration must realize that it cannot continue
to withhold crucial and timely information from us.”

When reached for comment by The Daily Princetonian, White House spokesman
Jay Carney did not directly answer questions about the administration’s
stubborn refusal to comment on Harvard-related matters.

“I appreciate the question, but I think you might be failing to consider
how effective the Affordable Care Act will be in providing inexpensive,
high-quality healthcare to millions of uninsured Americans,” Carney
said.

Carney added that the White House “hopes the town of Princeton and the nation’s No. 1 university can come to an amicable agreement regarding crucial matters of national importance such as the lack of available liquor licenses, the location of the Dinky and the outbreak of gastroenteritis at Ivy Club.”

* Just in case you’re a reporter for The Daily Caller looking to dig up dirt, please note that this article is part of The Daily Princetonian’s annual joke issue. Use discretion before citing.

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