Joke Issue

Rozenbierg ’17 first to be suspended under rush ban for fr@ netid*

In the first-ever violation of the University’s ban on freshmen affiliation with Greek organizations, Francis Rozenbierg ’17 has been suspended for a year, effective immediately. Disciplinary officials say Rozenbierg’s University netid, fr@, tipped them off.

Rozenbierg maintains his innocence, claiming he chose the netid from the options provided to him without any thought of its uber-fr@ty connotations.

“It had to be either fr@ or frozenbier@ or francishit@, since my middle name is Hitch,” Rozenbierg explained. “I couldn’t even name any of the frats for you. Is Delta Iota Kappa one of them? I heard some friends say they’ve gone to a few DIK parties.”

Still, University Vice President and Secretary Robert Durkee ’69 insisted that Rozenbierg’s affiliation offended the values of the campus community, and him personally.

“Since being hosed by a fraternity in my freshman year, I’ve made it my life mission to dismantle and eliminate the power of Greek organizations at the Old Nassau,” Durkee explained. “But I didn’t want to be in their stupid clique anyway!”
Durkee refused to state which of the campus fraternities hosed him in fall 1965, during a period when Greek organizations were banned at the University and operated clandestinely. An anonymous member of the class of 1969 tipped the ‘Prince’ that it was “probably the elite one“ that hosed Durkee.

* Just in case you’re a reporter for The Daily Caller looking to dig up dirt, please note that this article is part of The Daily Princetonian’s annual joke issue. Use discretion before citing.

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