Joke Issue » Editorial | Jan. 10
It is dangerously easy in the Orange Bubble to lose perspective on what is important, good or urgent. We become distracted by the fickle, fleeting interests of the Internet. Our generation, the social media generation weened on Twitter, must recalibrate our discourse to reflect our social priorities. Too much precious time has been wasted by the top minds of our generation on issues we have little control over. Syria, the government shutdown, healthcare — these things have preoccupied a campus that would do better to spend its limited collective awareness elsewhere. In short, we don’t talk enough about us.
Most pressing among these neglected concerns is, of course, What You Did Last Night. Students, busy discussing topical issues like the prison industrial complex, have left their peers wondering, “Did you go out last night?” or, “How much work did you do last night?” It’s disconcerting to think that the students of the world’s most rigorous University care so little about the ins and outs of their friends’ and acquaintances’ schedules.
A related, and equally concerning issue facing the campus is, How Drunk You Were Last Night. Did you take it easy, because last week you went a little too hard and next week you have six exams in your four classes? How did you get home: Did your friend have to carry you on piggy back, or did the bouncer simply throw you out? And how much, precisely, did you drink? These are the questions the campus is left wondering. It’s no matter that a student has a “blackout” and “can’t remember anything” — he or she owes it to our community to give an exact recount of shots, beers and chugs. Twitter surely has enough links to articles about the takeover of Fallujah—it’s about time Princetonians fight back, with tweets about what really matters: That they’ve lost their phone and prox for the fourth time this year at the Street.
Furthermore, students must turn an eye to the future. With all the recent talk on campus about human rights concerns surrounding Sochi, we’ve almost completely ignored, What Bank You’re Interning For. Time spent discussing global issues has disturbingly eclipsed time spent discussing your summer plans. Students must remember what matters when shaping our campus discourse: Signing bonuses, which alums they’ll be working for and which neighborhood they’ll be living in in the city (Tribeca, or the Lower East Side???)
The rest of the campus would do well to take the example set by the Editorial Board and to spend more time debating the most pressing issues — issues like exam scheduling and distribution requirements — rather than the dizzying events occurring outside of FitzRandolph gate. We must remember what is important: the minutia of life on campus. If this alarming trend continues, at some point in the near future, we may even stop talking about our grades. It’s about time this campus starts taking “In the nation’s service, and in the service of all nations,” a lot less literally.
* Just in case you’re a reporter for The Daily Caller looking to dig up dirt, please note that this article is part of The Daily Princetonian’s annual joke issue. Use discretion before citing.