1. The Overly Dramatic Thespian
This guy will do anything and everything in order to get your attention and won’t stop hysterically pleading until you sign up for his listserv. Once, I had a guy get down on his knees and beg and tear up until I finally agreed to sign up for the tech crew emailing list, which I was then too scared to remove myself from for the entirety of freshman year.
2. The Guilt-Tripper
That persistent do-gooder from high school whom everyone hated is all grown-up and now has a high-flying position at the Pace Center. She’ll position herself right in the middle of Dillon Gymnasium so that you’ll have to endure her puppy-dog eyes and disapproving glances every single time you walk toward a stall.
3. The Cultural Society Scout
While her hawk-eyes bore into you, the Cultural Society Scout tries to figure out what your race and background are and if you fall under the category of her student association. After she’s given you the once-over, she’ll approach you and aggressively question you to confirm her suspicions that you belong to her group. Even if you aren’t, she’ll make you sign up on the grounds of cultural awareness.
4. The Club Sports Club Member
Don’t be fooled: Although the premise is that anyone can theoretically “walk on” to the team, there’s a reason it’s called a club sport: It’s just as exclusive as a country club — a country club where the stipulation is that you have to have six feet and 11 inches of pure muscle. When you find the club basketball kid approaching you, you have to wonder if the height difference is making it difficult for him to see your lack of muscle clearly.
5. The Dance Group Hustler
Sure, you know how to bust a move on the dance floor occasionally. But don’t be taken in for a second by the kid who assures you that there is “no experience necessary” for his dance group and that the auditions are “just a way to have fun.” Unless you’ve been dancing since before you can walk, you probably want to side-step it down to the next stall right now.
6. The Future President of the United States
If you’ve been eyeing the White House for as long as you can remember, you and this kid will become best friends almost immediately … at least, in the public eye. But if politics aren’t your thing, avoid this kid at all costs. We recommend maintaining a five-stall radius, because if he catches hold of you, you’ll be brow-beaten into signing your soul away to one of the worst fates on campus: the Whig-Clio listserv.
7. That Pesky ‘Prince’ Journalist