Thinking of others before posting

This past weekend my Facebook news feed blew up with photos of smiling girls in green or white — images from sorority bid day. Same thing happened last year, and the year before. I am not interested in participating in Greek life and so am not personally bothered by the online wall of ecstatic new pledges. However, I can’t help but think of all those who were rejected this year, or in past years, and how painful that visual reminder must be to those women.

Though I understand the urge to publicly share one’s new colors and excitement, I urge all those who are admitted to selective organizations to think twice before posting that pride publicly online. Even waiting 24 hours before posting might help. Though not posting or at least taking a short delay before posting will have little impact on your happiness, it might really make a difference for someone on the other end who didn’t have the same good fortune as you.

Granted, I understand why people post all these photos. When you get admitted to a selective organization, you’re ecstatic and want to share the news and your excitement. Plus, you spend the morning and following evening surrounded by other elated people, so it’s very easy to simply forget about all those who heard the opposite news.

However, there are quite a few people who hoped for the same happy outcome and didn’t get it. And while everyone is posting on your wall about how glad they are that you all are now “sisters,” those who are “outside the family” invariably will see all those posts. These in-your-face online reminders can’t help students get over this arbitrary rejection any quicker.

I know the “rejection is a part of life” argument. I agree that students need to learn from disappointment and grow from it. But can’t we show some empathy and tone down the excitement somewhat? Publically posting photos isn’t what should make someone who got in happy; presumably it is the actual admittance itself that makes people happy, not unintentionally rubbing it in everyone else’s face. (Let’s grant everyone this benefit of the doubt that they are not intentionally gloating.) The rejection lesson can be learned just as well, if not better, from a less arbitrary admission scheme.

This unnecessary action can have real potential consequences on others' happiness. Rejection during rush can really affect people’s self esteem. For example, at Duke University this past January, a presentation to students about sorority recruitment included a sober reminder about students being able to visit the campus mental health counselors if needed.

Moreover, this emotional “piling on” applies to so many events beyond bid day photos. There are numerous selective organizations on campus, and for every single person who gets in, there are probably another three or four who don’t. Just think back to when we all were getting admitted to colleges during our senior year of high school. Many of us probably came from schools where many peers were applying to the same university.

It isn’t particularly encouraging to see other people posting acceptances nightly while you are still waiting to hear from colleges or if you have already been rejected from your first choice school. We usually are sensitive to our friends’ feelings in matters like this. But shouldn’t we also demonstrate some humility in general, knowing that other people are hurting? Injuring other women, even unintentionally, seems to be contrary to the concept of sisterhood that sororities espouse. Surely sisterhood and supporting other women can extend beyond the boundaries of the sorority.

Students have this debate practically annually when discussing bicker or pickups for various organizations. While pickups are a great way for people on the inside to celebrate, they make anyone who didn’t get in feel like crap. It’s especially tough when it splits roommates — and (when shaving cream used to be allowed) left the roommate to clean up while understandably, although incorrectly, feeling inadequate. To me this situation almost seems even more questionable when it comes to something as arbitrary as getting into a sorority, where admittance is even more capricious and not a sign of any real talent or skill. The scale seems to tip even more in favor of being considerate of those who didn’t get admitted because there really isn’t anything concrete to brag about or that sets you apart in this case. With no explicit requirements to meet to be accepted, the rejection could otherwise hit especially close and reinforce our basest insecurities.

Again, I’m not telling people not to be happy when they get into a selective group. Nor am I assuming that people are posting photos with the intention to make others feel badly – I assume it is just a manifestation of people’s joy. So go ahead and celebrate. Just please take a minute to think about those who aren’t celebrating with you before you publicly share your glee. Perhaps a delay and/or moderation wouldn’t detract from your happiness, but it could be a big help to others.

Marni Morse is a politics major from Washington, D.C. She can be reached at mlmorse@princeton.edu.